So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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