So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
