but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
