i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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