Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
