oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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