highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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