Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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