i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
