i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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