you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
