Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
