Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize