Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
