remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
