I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Randomize
