Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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