you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
