My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
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She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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