well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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