threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
