now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
