u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
