yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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