you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
