I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
