There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
