Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
