So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
