If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We're too hungover to prance.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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