She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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