I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Blood and glitter go together right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
