took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
