Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done