Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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