a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to calm my uterus...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬