Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.