Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.