I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.