While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
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I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?