Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so let's talk penis.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.