I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.