i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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