your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
