nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
