I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
