How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
