five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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