dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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