so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
