My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
