dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Who died my cat blue again?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
