you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
