I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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