tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
