I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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