his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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