But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
