my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
