i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
