Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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