You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
