I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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