i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
