sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
