just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
