it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
