She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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