fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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