I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
