i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
